24 November 2024
RECLAIMING YOUR TIME AS A PARENT
Parenting is a balancing act.
Balancing a professional life, family and personal life can feel like an endless juggling act. The pressure, whether real or perceived, can be high. The pressure to meet everyone’s needs - at work, at home, and even within yourself - often leads to exhaustion, frustration, and self-doubt.
If you're also struggling with people-pleasing tendencies or perfectionism, it can feel even more overwhelming. You may constantly feel the need to meet impossible standards or put others’ needs before your own, which leaves you running on empty and disconnected from yourself.
Although it takes intentional change, there is a way to break free from this cycle and regain balance, and it starts with understanding our thoughts, feelings and behaviours and making conscious choices about how we spend our time and energy.
Recognising 'the Busy Trap'
The first step in reclaiming your time is recognising when you're caught in 'the busy trap'. This means that you find a way of noticing the first signs of you beginning to overwork. You might notice the following, although this will be individual to you:
Complete focus on meeting external demands at the expense of yourself
Feeling like you are constantly 'on' and running on empty
Moving from one task to another
Finding it difficult to slow down and pause
Feeling overwhelmed, irritable, angry and tired
Unhelpful soothing activities (alcohol, constant scrolling etc.)
As a parent, it’s easy to fall into the mindset of always needing to do more, whether it's managing your job, taking care of the household, or being everything to everyone in your life. This often leads to feelings of being stuck and disconnected from yourself and your own desires. You might even find it hard to enjoy the present moment. You might feel like you have no time for yourself, but when you do, you might be clueless as to what to do. It is important to recognise the first signs of falling into the 'busy trap'. It is also important to notice the thoughts and feelings that accompany you. It can be helpful to speak this through with a trusted friend or even a therapist.
Setting Boundaries and Adjusting Your Priorities
Once you recognise that you are 'on the go' all the time, one of the most important steps in breaking free from this cycle is setting boundaries and adjusting your priorities. Saying 'no' can be incredibly difficult, especially for those of us who tend to please others or feel responsible for everything. However, learning to set limits is essential for your well-being. It’s important to recognise that your time and energy are finite resources. We are human beings with limited energy, resources, and time. We can’t do everything, and that’s okay. Setting boundaries means using our resources wisely and efficiently to reflect this.
Take a step back and evaluate what truly matters in your life. Is it important to attend every social event, or would you prefer to have a quiet evening with your family? Are there tasks you can let go of, or responsibilities you can share with others? Setting boundaries might look like turning down invitations or requests that aren’t a priority or that would push you past your limits. Or it might be that you delegate some of your responsibilities and are okay with not having any control over the outcome. You might decide that work stops at a certain time each day, or that evenings are for family activities and personal relaxation. Communicate these boundaries to those around you.
In essence, setting boundaries is about being intentional about where we direct our energy.
Being in the Present Moment
It can be really hard to focus on the present moment when we have an endless 'to do list' or deadlines to meet, which sound like reasonable reasons not to slow down. However, one of the reasons we find it hard to slow down or pause is because we are using 'being on the go' as a way of avoiding something else in the present moment. As a result, we get caught up in the past or future, instead of being in the present moment. This might look like stressing about what has been left undone or worrying about what’s coming next. One of the ways to bring our attention to the present moment is to learn to be with ourselves, our feelings, thoughts and simply the human experience. Some of the ways to connect with ourselves and ground ourselves in the present moment are:
Taking a few moments to breathe deeply
Noticing the sensations in our body
Noticing our environment; colours, smells, shapes etc.
Holding a small object and noticing its texture, colour etc.
Enjoying a quiet cup of tea
Going for a walk in nature noticing the leaves, sunlight etc.
Enjoying a creative activity
Journalling
Creating Sustainable Change
Reclaiming your time and energy and finding balance is not about making drastic changes overnight. Releasing the pressure to be perfect or please others takes time, effort and intention. It’s about making small, sustainable adjustments to your routine. It is about recognising the patterns that keep you stuck and taking steps to shift them, so your day-to-day choices feel more aligned with who you are and your needs.
This sometimes involves taking a step back from things that drain your energy and assessing what is going on for you in a safe place. It often involves prioritising and increasing self-care, and learning to ask for help when needed.
To make these changes sustainable, we also need to address the root causes of our behaviour, which are often adapted and learned strategies from our past experiences. Understanding our minds is essential to make sustainable changes in our lives and psychotherapy can help us do that.
Take Action Today
If you find yourself struggling with perfectionism, people-pleasing and feeling overwhelmed in parenting, let’s work together to explore your current patterns, identify areas for growth, and help you step into a more balanced, fulfilling life.