23 May 2023

How TO GET THE MOST out of COUPLES THERAPY

You are likely to get the most from couples therapy if you embrace the idea that change is possible. Couples therapy is an opportunity to explore your roles and expectations in relationships. So your willingness to self-reflect and be open to feedback will be important in this process.

Here are some ideas to get the most out of couples therapy (and any psychotherapy):

Commit to therapy: Make the sessions a regular part of your routine and actively participate in the sessions. This is the time you dedicate to your relationship. Think about your commitment to therapy at two levels: social and psychological [1]. At the social level, you may attend the sessions and talk about the issues, but at the psychological level, you may have resistance to the process. Check-in with yourself: What are your assumptions and expectations from this process? How might you stop yourself from engaging?
Be willing to explore your process: Couples therapy is about open communication, which may take time to learn and practice, especially if this was not modelled. The more you are open in terms of expressing your thoughts and feelings, the easier it is to uncover underlying issues. Your openness will also encourage your partner to actively listen to you and be vulnerable. This will then result in a deeper connection.
Try to avoid blaming: Even though criticising each other will give your therapist a snippet of your relationship, your sessions are likely to be more productive if you acknowledge your role in the relational dynamic. Express how you are impacted using 'I' statements.
Be realistic: It is not realistic to expect that engrained relational dynamics will change overnight. Applying what you learn in therapy to your daily life is as important as your participation in the therapy sessions. When you are consistent with your efforts, this will lead to lasting positive changes in your relationship.
Communicate with your therapist: If something doesn't feel right, talk to your therapist. Give feedback as to what is working and what is not working for you. This open dialogue is essential so that your therapist can tailor their approach to better support you.

Please get in touch if you need more information on couples counselling.

[1] Eric Berne (1966) Transactional Analysis Psychotherapy.