January 2025
HEALTHy RELATIONSHIP CHECKLIST
There isn't a one-size-fits-all recipe for our relationships, as they are unique. However, there are practices and attitudes that can make our connections stronger, more respectful, and ultimately more fulfilling. We can think of it like a checklist, although this is by no means an exhaustive checklist!
Let’s break it down into a few key areas: clear boundaries & mutual respect, mutual trust, active listening, empathy, conflict resolution, and support and appreciation. These might sound like simple things, but they really do make all the difference.
Clear Boundaries and Mutual Respect
Clear boundaries are about knowing where you end and where someone else begins. In a healthy relationship, we respect these boundaries, whether emotional, physical, or mental. We express or clarify expectations. With clear boundaries, we let the other know what is important to us. Doing this mutually generates respect for each other’s needs, space and autonomy. This prevents us from feeling overwhelmed and allows us to show up more fully for each other.
Mutual Trust
Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and it’s built over time through consistency, honesty and repair. When we trust, we feel safe enough to be vulnerable, and this vulnerability creates deeper emotional connections. When trust is there, we feel that we can rely on each other. On the other hand, trust is built every time we are able to rely on each other.
Active Listening
This may sound surprising, but listening is an active process, not a passive one. Active listening is not just about hearing what the other person is saying, but really listening. When we listen actively, we create space for the other person to express themselves without interruption. We let them feel heard, and this often helps them feel safe. This is different from simply hearing words. It’s about giving them the room to express themselves and showing we care about their feelings and perspective. Active listening is one of those things that requires practice, as it is so easy to jump to conclusions or try to fix things before the other person feels heard.
Empathy
Empathy is about putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes, feeling what they feel, and validating their experience. It’s more than just understanding—they need to feel that we understand them. They need to feel 'felt' in Dan Siegel's (an interpersonal neurobiology expert) terms. Empathy is one of the most powerful tools in any relationship, as it builds trust and shows that we are paying attention to their emotional needs. Carl Rogers (a psychologist who is considered one of the founders of humanistic psychology) wrote in his book A Way of Being: 'When you are in psychological distress and someone really hears you without passing judgement on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good!' When we’re empathetic, we’re not rushing to judge or solve; we’re allowing the other person to simply exist in their experience.
Conflict Resolution and Being Equal
We all know that conflict happens in any relationship, and some of those conflicts might keep repeating. In fact, Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert/researcher, found that about 69% of conflicts in relationships are unresolvable. This means that no matter how much we try, some issues will never fully disappear. But that doesn’t mean conflict isn’t worth addressing. The key here is how we manage it.
Conflict resolution is not about winning or being right - it’s about understanding each other, validating, compromising, and working toward a win-win solution, if we can. It’s more about feeling heard and valued. Sometimes, conflict resolution means agreeing to disagree and often it is about finding a middle ground that works for both.
A very important part of conflict resolution is emotional regulation and stepping into our Adult selves—recognising that emotions may run high, but we can still navigate the tension while seeing each other as 'OK'—worthy of respect and care.
Support and Appreciation
Healthy relationships thrive when we show up for each other, offering both emotional and practical support. Whether it’s being there when someone’s going through a tough time or celebrating their wins, showing support helps the other person feel valued and recognised. When we offer support, we’re doing so from a place of genuine care (rather than rescuing). It’s also important to regularly show appreciation for the things we often take for granted, like small daily efforts.
What else would you add?
If you're ready to build a healthier relationship, and would like to work together, please get in touch by booking a 15 minutes initial consultation.
Image credit: Pavel Danilyuk (on Pexels)