• HOME
  • ABOUT
  • THERAPY
    • For Individuals
    • For Couples
  • FAQs
  • ARTICLES
  • BLOG
  • CONTACT

Articles

Online and In-person Couples therapy in Braintree and Colchester.
Couples Therapy in a Nutshell
Online and In-person therapy in Braintree and Colchester
How to Stop Overthinking
Therapy for Anxiety, Depression, Low Self-Esteem | Online & In Braintree and Colchester
Reasons to Go to Therapy

Instagram

cigdemberrettpsychotherapy

✨Helping you build healthier relationships with yourself & others
✨Working with individuals & couples
🌱For couples therapy & psychotherapy, visit ⬇️

When we are connected to ourselves, we are able to When we are connected to ourselves, we are able to notice what is happening within us, reflect on it, and respond with greater choice.

It can look like:

✨ Our emotions feel less like they come out of nowhere.
✨ We can recognise when the past is being stirred up by something happening in the present.
✨ We can reflect on ourselves without immediately making ourselves wrong.
✨ We can make choices based on what feels right for us, rather than only what others expect.
✨ We can express what we feel and need while staying connected to others.
✨ We have more freedom to be spontaneous, curious and flexible rather than automatically falling into familiar patterns.

In Transactional Analysis, we think about developing greater capacity for self-awareness, choice and authentic connection.

And this matters not only for our relationship with ourselves, but for how we relate to others.

Because the more connected we are to ourselves, the more available we can become for healthier, more mutual relationships with the people around us.🌿

What helps you feel more connected to yourself?

#transactionalanalysis #emotionalawareness #selfworth #psychotherapy #selfawareness
Sometimes the hardest part of repair is acknowledg Sometimes the hardest part of repair is acknowledging the hurt we caused through what we said or did.

This can bring up discomfort.

And in order to avoid that discomfort, we can quickly move into defending our intent and our actions:

“That’s not what I meant.”
“I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”
“You’ve misunderstood me.”

But the truth is, for repair to begin, something else needs to happen first:

We need to acknowledge the impact.

This doesn’t mean our intentions don’t matter.

It means being able to hold both:

“That wasn’t my intention.”
“And I can see that it hurt you.”

Repair asks us to stay with the discomfort long enough to acknowledge the hurt our words or actions may have caused, rather than rushing to defend ourselves.

What might become possible in your relationship if you could make space for both intentions and impact? 🌿
Small shifts in how we relate can sometimes create Small shifts in how we relate can sometimes create a difference in our relational patterns.

Here are some thoughts:

More expressing, less explaining 🌿Sharing our experience rather than trying to prove our position.

More curiosity, less concluding 🌿 Staying open to what we may not yet understand.

More listening, less labelling 🌿 Remaining connected to ourselves and the other person from a 'I am OK - You are OK' position.

More responding, less reacting 🌿 Creating enough space to choose our response rather than acting from a historical/reactive part of us.

More repairing, less retaliating 🌿 Turning towards repair, acknowledging and expressing the hurt.

More accepting, less attacking 🌿 Making room for difference without experiencing difference as disconnection.

 *** These shifts are relevant to relationships where there is mutuality, respect, safety, and a genuine willingness from both people to engage. Context matters. ***
Sometimes the intensity of the moment isn't only a Sometimes the intensity of the moment isn't only about what is happening in front of us.

It can also be about what the moment reminds us of.

🌿 A partner’s silence might touch an old feeling of being ignored.
🌿 A disagreement might stir something deeper than the words being exchanged.
🌿 A small moment of distance might bring up a familiar fear of rejection or abandonment.

This doesn't mean our feelings aren't valid, of course they do. And the present situation does matter.

Sometimes the present and the past become intertwined.

When this happens, we can find ourselves reacting not only to what is happening now, but also to what it means to us based on what we've experienced before.

We can learn to notice these layers:

🌿 What is happening right now?
🌿 And what is this moment bringing up in me?

That distinction can create a little more space between the trigger and our response, and sometimes, that space is where something new becomes possible.

#relationships #relationaltherapy #selfawareness #emotionalawareness #healing
When we only try to change what is happening on th When we only try to change what is happening on the surface, the change is often short-lived.

If we’re simply trying not to be angry, we might manage it for a while, until something small happens and suddenly we snap, react intensely, or blow up in a way that feels disproportionate to what is actually happening.

Sometimes, that’s because we haven’t tuned into what sits underneath the anger: hurt, sadness, rejection, fear or feeling powerless.

The same can happen in our relationships.

We try to stop withdrawing, stop criticising, stop people-pleasing or stop becoming defensive, without understanding what those behaviours might be communicating or protecting us from.

Lasting change often begins with becoming curious about what is underneath the behaviour, rather than simply trying to get rid of the behaviour itself.

Next time you notice a reaction that feels bigger than the situation, this is a gentle invitation to pause and get curious about what might be underneath it.

What looks like anger might be hurt.
What looks like distance might be overwhelm.
What looks like criticism might be a longing for connection.

What might your reaction be trying to tell you?

🌿
We often focus on what the speaker could do differ We often focus on what the speaker could do differently; choosing better words, expressing themselves more clearly, communicating their needs more effectively. 

And that matters.

But there is another person in the process.

For understanding to emerge, the listener also needs to be willing to move beyond their own perspective and agenda, become curious about the other person’s experience, and genuinely try to enter their world.

If one person is consistently unwilling to step outside their own perspective, no amount of communication techniques will create genuine understanding.

🌿 Is there curiosity?
🌿 Is there space for the other person’s reality?

🌿 Can each person tolerate hearing something they may disagree with?
🌿 Can they put their own agenda aside long enough to understand?

Of course, both people still have responsibility for how they communicate. Learning to express ourselves clearly, honestly and respectfully matters.

But communication is not a one-person task.

There are two fundamental parts required for understanding to emerge: the willingness to express, and the willingness to understand.🌿 

#relationships #communication #couplestherapy #emotionalconnection #emotionalsafety
We expect ourselves to stay calm all the time, be We expect ourselves to stay calm all the time, be always productive, make the right decision, never let anyone down and somehow manage everything without struggling.

If someone we loved was doing the same thing, we might say:

“You’re doing your best.”
“It’s okay to make mistakes.”
“You can’t do everything.”

So why do we hold ourselves to a standard we would never expect another person to meet?

The answer is often linked to our relational history.

If in our early relational history, mistakes were met with criticism, disappointment or withdrawal, we may have learned to expect more from ourselves to avoid getting things wrong.

Over time, external expectations can become our internal rules.

There can also be a protective function. 

If, earlier in life, being highly capable, responsible or attuned to others helped us feel safer or more accepted, maintaining impossibly high standards can feel like a way of preventing rejection, criticism or failure.

Sometimes being kind to ourselves means recognising that the standards we hold ourselves to are completely different from the standards we would expect from anyone else.🌿

If this resonates with you, follow for more.

#selfcompassion #selfworth #perfectionism #anxiety #mentalhealth
If you’ve spent hours reading books, listening to If you’ve spent hours reading books, listening to podcasts, saving posts and learning everything you can about yourself, and you still find yourself reacting in the same ways, there is nothing wrong with you.

Insight matters. 

Understanding ourselves can be an important part of healing. But knowing why we do something doesn’t always mean we know how to respond differently when we’re triggered, overwhelmed or afraid.

Healing is also relational and experiential.

🌿 Knowing that you are safe is not the same as feeling safe.

🌿 Knowing that you are accepted is not the same as feeling accepted.

🌿 Knowing that you have a right to have needs is not the same as feeling safe enough to express them.

Our nervous systems often need repeated experiences of safety and connection. For our nervous systems, safety is connection.

And this is where practice and repetition matter. 

Setting a boundary and discovering that the relationship survives. Expressing a need and experiencing someone respond with care. Staying with a difficult emotion instead of immediately pushing it away. 

Learning, through experience, that we can respond differently or we can relate to ourselves or others differently.🌿

#healingjourney #selfworth #relationships #anxiety #therapy
Sometimes being kind to ourselves means recognisin Sometimes being kind to ourselves means recognising how far we've come, rather than focusing on how far we still have to go.

Growth has a way of making us move the goalposts. We adapt, keep striving, and before long, what once felt impossible becomes something we barely acknowledge.

This is a gentle reminder to take a moment to pause.

🌿Notice the ways you respond differently.
🌿The boundaries you now hold.
🌿The conversations you no longer avoid.
🌿The moments you choose yourself without guilt.
🌿The relationships that feel healthier because you're showing up more authentically.

When we are always focused on the next step, we may miss just how much has already changed.

Therapy isn't just about moving forward. It's also about recognising the strength, resilience, and growth that are already part of your story.

✨ What is one way you've grown that your past self would be proud of?

#selfdoubt #perfectionism #relationalpsychotherapy #therapyjourney #selfawareness
Overfunctioning is a relational strategy. Perhaps Overfunctioning is a relational strategy.

Perhaps it once helped you feel loved, needed, or safe. Perhaps it became the way you learnt to care for others. 

But over time, always being the one who carries, fixes, or anticipates can leave you feeling exhausted and disconnected; from yourself and sometimes from the very relationships you're trying to protect.

If this resonates, you might gently wonder:

🌿 What feels difficult about stepping back?
🌿 Whose responsibility am I carrying?
🌿 Am I giving others what I have long needed myself?

You don't need to judge the pattern. Just begin by getting curious.

In therapy, we can explore where these ways of relating began, what purpose they once served, and whether they still serve you and your relationships today.

#overfunctioning #relationships #relationalpsychotherapy #selfawareness #healingrelationships
August can feel different for everyone. For some, August can feel different for everyone.

For some, it's a chance to slow down and recharge. 

For some of us, disrupted routines, childcare, holidays, or the pressure to make the most of summer can leave us feeling a little unsettled.

What's helping you feel grounded?

#grounding #mentalwellbeing #selfcare #psychotherapy #relationshipwithself
Many couples understandably focus on presenting is Many couples understandably focus on presenting issues. 

These conversations, of course, matter.

But while the topic may be important, it isn't always what is keeping the relationship stuck.

Often, it's the pattern that develops between partners in moments of conflict.

The way partners respond to one another, protect themselves, withdraw, pursue, criticise, or become defensive can repeat across many different situations.

The issue changes, but the emotional dance stays the same.

When we become curious about how we relate to each other (not just what we're arguing about), we create the possibility for something different.

Lasting change rarely comes from solving every disagreement.

It comes from changing the way we meet each other within those disagreements.

A gentle reflection:

When conflict comes up, do you notice the same roles or responses appearing, even when the topic is completely different?🌿

#couplestherapy #relationshippatterns #healthyrelationships #relationshipgrowth #emotionalsafety

*** What I share here is intended for information and reflection only. Every relationship is unique, and context matters. ***
Within a relational context, emotional safety is a Within a relational context, emotional safety is about creating space for both partners in a relationship. 

Space for different opinions.
Space for different needs.
Space for different ways of experiencing the same situation.

We don't have to become the same person to feel deeply connected.

As emotional safety grows, we become more able to bring our whole selves into the relationship; our worries, excitement, uncertainty, hopes and fears. 

We don't have to hide parts of ourselves or carry difficult emotions alone. The full range of our emotional experience is welcome.

Being a team doesn't mean we always think the same way. It means knowing that, even when we see things differently, we're working towards understanding each other rather than against each other.

We feel that:

"We can be ourselves here, and we'll find our way through this together."

A gentle reflection:

What helps you feel emotionally safe?

*** Quick note: This post is shared for general information and reflection only. It isn't therapy or a substitute for individual therapeutic support. Every relationship is unique, and context always matters. ***
One of the most important parts of an argument is One of the most important parts of an argument is what happens afterwards.

Repair.

Many of us have not grown up seeing repair modelled. We may have witnessed disagreements being ignored, brushed aside, or followed by a return to “normal” without ever acknowledging what happened.

So we may have learned that the way to move forward is to carry on.

Business as usual.

But unresolved moments do not disappear. They can leave behind hurt, distance and resentment.

Repair offers something different.

It creates a moment where both people can slow down and recognise what happened. 

Where we can acknowledge impact, take responsibility, express our needs, and understand each other differently.

When we lean into repair, it is not only healing for the relationship, it can be healing for us as individuals.

Because a good repair will communicate to us “I see what happened,” “I understand why that hurt,” or “I want to do this differently”. 

It can challenge old experiences of being dismissed, unseen, or having to manage difficult moments alone.

When we can repair, we experience that:

🌿 Conflict does not have to mean disconnection.

🌿 Being hurt does not have to mean being alone with that hurt.

Some gentle reflective points to explore:

What would repair look like for you?

What gets in the way of repair?

#relationshiptherapy #couplescounselling #emotionalconnection #healthyrelationships

*** A quick note: The content I share here is intended to inform, encourage reflection, and offer inspiration. It isn't a substitute for therapy. Please remember that context matters. Every person, relationship, and situation is different, so take what resonates with you and leave what doesn't.
Conflict has a bad reputation. We tend to see it a Conflict has a bad reputation. We tend to see it as something that means the relationship is in trouble.

When it happens (as it often does), we all have different ways of responding to it.

Some of us avoid it. Some of us move towards it. Some of us try to keep emotions out of it. Some of us feel comfortable expressing everything we are feeling.

Contrary to popular psychology, there isn't one right way to approach conflict.

Conflict can tell us something about our needs, fears, expectations, values or old wounds. It can also tell us something about the other person's experience.

The goal of conflict isn't to hurt or fix. It isn't even to agree. The goal is to understand. Resolution (if it happens) is secondary.

A relational conflict is a vehicle for understanding ourselves and a vehicle for understanding the other person. 🌿

What do your relational conflicts tend to reveal about you? 🌿

#emotionalawareness #psychotherapy #relationshiptherapy #healthyrelationships
The emotion we notice first isn't always the only The emotion we notice first isn't always the only emotion we're feeling.

Sometimes anger is protecting hurt. Sometimes anxiety sits alongside grief. Sometimes guilt covers fear, sadness, or resentment.

We are all unique, and what sits beneath an emotion can vary from person to person, from one situation to another, and even at different points in our lives.

One of the things therapy can offer is a space to become more curious about our emotional world, and recognise what our emotions are communicating.

🌿 Which emotion do you tend to notice first?

#therapy #selfawareness #emotionalwellbeing #selfcompassion #mentalhealth
As a therapist, one thing I see often is that we p As a therapist, one thing I see often is that we push feelings away as a way of protecting ourselves.

When we do that, and we are then asked how we are feeling, it can take us aback because we don’t always know how we are feeling. 

If this is the case for you, be gentle with yourself. Try to create a sense of safety first. 

Here are four ways to start tuning into your feelings.🌿

#therapy #emotionalwellbeing #innerpeace #mindfulness #selfcompassion #psychotherapy #mentalhealth #breathe #emotionalhealing
As human beings, we have a desire for autonomy but As human beings, we have a desire for autonomy but also for belonging. There will be a natural tension between the two.

Relationships require a constant negotiation between our individual needs and the needs of the relationship. And this creates tension.

This tension does not mean that something is broken or something is wrong. It reflects the ongoing balance between autonomy and connection, between I and We. 

Perhaps, the goal isn't to become more independent at the expense of connection, or to adapt in order to belong, but to learn how to hold both. 🌿

What would it look like to honour both your need for autonomy and your need for connection?

#selfworth
#emotionalhealth
#relationshippatterns
#secureattachment
#psychotherapyuk
Underneath couple arguments, there are often press Underneath couple arguments, there are often pressures that are easy to overlook. 

These might include: 

🌿 differences in personality, where each partner has their own way of thinking, communicating and responding; 

🌿 life transitions, such as becoming parents, moving home or changing careers; 

🌿 the impact of ongoing stress from work, finances or family responsibilities; 

🌿 unmet emotional needs

Over time, these pressures can make even small disagreements gridlocked and intense.

If your relationship feels caught in the middle of these pressures, couples counselling can offer a space to slow down, understand what's happening, and find a different way forward.🌿

*** A quick note: The information shared in this post is for educational purposes only. Every relationship is unique, so what I've shared here may or may not apply to your individual situation. ***
The way we speak to ourselves matters. Sometimes, The way we speak to ourselves matters.

Sometimes, a small shift in language can really help in the moment. 
Do you relate to any of these signs?

#selfcompassion #selfworth #emotionalwellbeing #mindset #mentalhealthawareness
Follow on Instagram

For more resources or reflections, please visit my blog.

Copyright © 2026 | All Rights Reserved | Cigdem Berrett Counselling & Psychotherapy

 info@cigdemberrett.com | 07745836678  

Privacy Policy